Depression and Music

Recently I was asked a strange question by one of my closest friends. She asked "Do you listen to anything happy?" I guess I should answer this better than going "bluh bluh blah..."

A good portion of what I listen to is not happy. Actually, most is rather depressing and dark. I is not from a standpoint of "dark shit hur hur hur" but instead from a place of actual apreciation for a darker take on life and all things around it.

It is far from surprising that I am this way. A good portion of what I review and talk about is dark and full of regrets, written down by the person who wants to share a story of a past love, a past mistake, or a past fear. I may just skip the remaining nine-hundred and whatever songs I have remaining and just jump to my top favourite albums of all time to further show the example of what I mean. Basically, I see nothing as permanent. Yes, there are certain things I hope to have in my life forever. My girlfriend, for instance. I cannot, however, accept that happiness is a permanent state of being. It seems to be fleeting, much in the same way that a good meal is something to look forward to. One just seems to look forward and speak highly of what may come in the future, not so much about what they have been through or experienced. I did not realize that I had this way of thinking until it was somewhat pointed out. It took me a very long time to come up with ANY words to explain myself in anyway.

This is most notable in my movie collection. I have not seen most movies, and I refuse to express my opinion for fear of being pretentious, but I seem drawn to dramatic re-invisions of real events and sad tales that end in a state far from happy.

I find that with the literature I enjoy. My attention seems to be placed into classical poetry, like Dante's Inferno and Paradise Lost. Pieces that dwell on how great everything is do not keep my attention for very long.

I am finding this with music. My loyalties lay with bands like Cursive or 65DaysOfSatic. One of the albums I will talk about is Beautiful Midnight by Mathew Good Band. It is a biting look at society, especially the stigma on how people should act. Especially in the 90's. I am just old enough to realize how stark and very true everything he says is. The Future Is X-Rated is epeciallly bleak because it is such a very true writing of how society became and how physical appearance seems to reflect peoples desires and perspective needs. Giant is an anthem about how we all want to be on the top for some reason, regardless of cost.

I am using this album as an example because it feels like it should have happier lyrics but, alas, everything is horrible. Everything is your fault. Every line is easy to relate back to your life or, at the very least, someone that you know.